Monday, April 04, 2005

Dealing with Losing the Pope, and Hour of sleep and Mitch Hedberg all in the same week

I always enjoy the "Spring foward" much more than the "Fall back". It is a manageable pain that you loose an hour of sleep, and the next few days seem to adhere to a miniature night schedule, but getting those extra moments of light as the late afternoon burns off into evening is irreplaciable. Its as if the earth is trying to strech its limbs a bit after coming out of hibernation. Late red sunsets are the signal that baseballs seasons is starting, and the neighbors kids will soon be running in the sprinklers. Teenagers start driving around town with no purpose or direction, and you get spend more time wearing less clothes. Californian girls get the heads up right about now too; they start working on their tans, finding expensive arangements of string to call bikkinis, and most importantly, wear the tight skirts God intended them to when He gave them nice asses.
Speaking on matters of the all mighty, why's he got to fool with? I'm no petaflier, but you can't help noticing how amazingly proportioned some of the young ladies are these days. Unfortuneatley, too young for the law or good concious to allow, but seriously, there are a few 15-17 year olds who are never gonna look better. I notice this especially with latina girls. They get these amazing bodies for about 4 years of there life, and then it seems the moment they turn 18, they've shaved their eyebrows, used a roller to paint their face and they have eaten a cow. White girls are pretty hopeless in America, because they inevitably fill themselves with cellulite and adittude, then blame men for all the problems they cause. Its getting bad, since I returned from studying over seas, I've met two overwheight vegetarians! Both chicks of course, filled with the craziest notions that feminism is a good thing. Firstly, feminism was a bad thing, it just took thirty years for out nation to start seeing its adverse affects. Secondly, if your going to be so health concious that advertise yourself as a vegetarian, DON'T BE FAT. Just because you started substituting cheese whiz for tuna and replace hot dogs with connolis doesn't make you a vegetarian. Eat some carrots, or better yet stop larding around as some conter-intuitive hippocrate.
Even though God has tested our paitents with the rude, unhealthy, often loud, very often over oppionnated and almost certainly undereducated females of Modern America, there is still hope. He that gives, aslo takes away. It is no secret that Pope John Paul II passed away last week. While millions mourn across the world over his death, a swift replacement for the pontift is being found. Although I am not a Catholic, I still maintain a great deal of respect for PJ2. Within the last years of his service especially, he was forced to contest with rather hideous issues amongst the Catholic Church. With the molestion charges to priest in America, the genocide that occured in Serbia, volitilty of South America through out the 80's (a continent with a 80% Catholic population) he never folded and gave into the world. John Paul stuck to his beliefs, and what The Church meant. I do not agree with all of his old world philospohy (mainly that on his stance of birth control. There are two many people in the world, and creating unwanted ones to become idiot monsters isn't, in my senses, a stroke of genius), but I certainly give credance to his strength of character. I hope the one who proceeds him will not unravel the fabric that John Paul II so intricatley wove.
Last but not least, one of my favorite comedians fucked up and killed himself not too long ago. Mitch Hedberg, known deadpan mumbling observations, OD on heroin. This really pissed me off. He was a rare talent, and original, he didn't rant and rave, as I have just done. Mitch was a watcher of life, and obsever over the human parade. His jokes were insightfull and literal, and made you crap your pants with laughter. Nobody is going to the same thing as he did, because it was how he said it that made it funny. I'm sure Mitch had some internal demons that people don't talk about, and just wished he hadn't try to poison himself to confront them.

"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy"
Mitch Hedberg
1968-2005

Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Day Jesus Saved Santa Clause From the Easter Bunny

So its Easter today, and for the first time, I'm not going to church. I spent more than twenty years in row doing this. Church to me now is just a building, and unfortuneatley, sometimes a place where insecure people go in order to feel more righteous than their neighbor.